Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes someone feel stupider than having to have extra classes. Not only was I assigned extra classes today they also split up our normal discussion group into two classes. Because of me. And no, I am not exaggerating. And this is all after I was on such a stupid high because one of my teachers told me how much I have improved since I started. Then BAM a smack in the face that I no longer have FIVE freakin hours of class a day I now have 5 and a half. I have an extra 30 minutes of class because I am stupid. Yes. I know this is how I get better. Yes. I know I will benefit from this. Yes. I get that this is good. But you must understand that this means I miss going anywhere with anyone right after lunch. This means that I felt incredibly hurt and publicly humiliated this afternoon when the entire COTI class was dismantled because I “can’t handle it.” And with only three weeks left? Why all these changes now. They knew my Indonesian wasn’t great when I came in. It was just frustrating with three weeks left, while I’m waiting to hear back from grants I most likely WILL NOT get because I found spelling and editing mistakes because ONCE AGAIN I’m an idiot, while I’m waiting to hear back form conferences, while I’m trying to get my comprehensive exams set up…. aka I’m overwhelmed and having 30 minutes extra class made me feel like a royal idiot today. It was less than pleasant is what I’m sayin. Even if it benefits me in the end… today it makes me feel pretty stupid and vulnerable.
- Comment
- Reblog
-
Subscribe
Subscribed
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
A Christmas Tree in Asia 
I love you. First I just want to say that.
Second, you were blindsided, and that sucks. I’m so sorry they did that to you. But through it all, please know how amazing and brave you are for going to this program in the first place. I admire you every day for being in COTI doing such intense work in a place where the culture and people are completely foreign. I really do. Most people never do what you’re doing, and of those who do, they’ll maybe go for a week or two tops. You’ve thrown yourself into it, and you’re succeeding and thriving even when it feels the opposite. It’ll get better. Lots of love and hugs!
Thank you Jillian. I love you too. That was wonderful to read and I can’t thank you enough. Also I’m glad you’re back to blogging. 🙂 Silly India. And yes blindsided is a good word…
Give yourself credit for being a courageous woman! You have achieved wondrous things. Hurdles placed in front of you are part of what creates the richness & fullness of personal growth. You are surrounded by love!
Thanks Auntie. I love you.
I’m just going to second what has already been said, because you know that we all know how amazing you are. 🙂 Take a minute to be pissed off, but then continue your adventure. Just remind yourself: this is where we get good blog content from! If things were always smooth you’d have nothing to write about. And I’ll have a bottle of wine waiting for you when you get back.