Sakit Sekali

Nothing is quite as frustrating and scary as being in a foreign country and not being able to explain why you are sick and that your lungs feel like they are closing. This is the lovely experience I had on Monday. I cried. I cried in class too. I think the real problem here is I never really dealt with Devika’s death. So when my lungs started to freak out all I could think about was her and I flipped out and started balling. I think because she died in India doing her field research and she wouldn’t have been due back yet I was still in denial. I could still tell myself “Oh she will come back.” This is not true and it hurts. A lot. So moving on from denial now… I don’t like this stage. I miss her. I still need her.

Well… if you’re curious I did go to the doctors. I have an infection in my lungs and they gave me pills for it and cough medicine for my cough. Also I’m not allowed to drink a lot of caffeine and no spicy food. NO SPICY FOOD?!? IN INDONESIA?!?! What the what? Also, yes, I had a someone from LTC go with me to inform me of all this. My medical terminology is just not great so I needed help. After the doctors we went back to school and I tried to sit through my classes. They were hard because 1. I was in pain and 2. because I stink at Indonesian right now. After lunch I went home and just slept. I slept till 9pm and then ate some rice and a scrambled egg. Since I can’t have spicy food this was about all I could eat in the house. Everything in this country is spicy! Which, normally is pretty darn ok. I then slept till 11am. My host family had decided the night before I wasn’t going to class today (Tuesday) and they had already texted Ara (an LTC friend) to inform him of this, well I thought so. It was kind of nice to just sleep in and rest. My chest is still a bit tight but it is SO much better. The pills and sleep seem to be working. Later in the day I had some very nice chicken noodle soup which made me feel better. I then slept some more and Bu Juliana and Bu Dian came to check in on me. It made me feel both special and silly for people to be making such a big fuss over me. I guess no one did end up texting them so they were worried.

Well, now here I sit at the coffee house Frame doing homework and posting this. Frame has good tea and free wifi. I still miss Devika.